On: Overcoming

 

7 years ago, I left a fundamental religious cult after 20 years, ended my 10-year marriage, came out as gay, lost my housing, lost all my friends, family, and support network. I had no job, no car, no income, no job history, no house and four kids under 6. That was…rough. I undertook the difficult task of creating a new life from those ashes. I gave love a chance, I moved my family somewhere we could thrive,  I started a nonprofit helping my queer community. Then, 9 months ago, my life imploded again. I lost the organization I poured my heart and soul into (at the hands of the 9 people closest to me), lost my income, my health, my housing, all my Illinois friends, and my fiancée. All in the span of two weeks. That was...also a challenge.

 

In unrelated news: our family has been wanting a third cat for ages, but because I didn’t know if we would be able to stay in our house, I told the kids we would have to wait until we moved (in case we landed in a place that didn’t allow pets). Since we didn’t get our other cats until they were adults, we wanted to to chance to bond with a kitten. Hence, I signed up to foster kittens with a local cat rescue for the Spring/Summer season, reasoning that I could do a two-fer: help out the community and test drive some kittens!

 

Since last August I have slowly and laboriously begun the process of rebuilding my life again, brick by heavy brick. I’ve carefully cultivated a new family culture with just me and my kids. I’ve worked through the patterns that allow me to sacrifice myself inevitably and repeatedly to people who are incapable of supplying me what I need. I have mulled over the concept of Love. I have become steadfast in what I want out of relationships and life. I even found a job that pays the bills (though it is sucking the very soul from me). After finding an amazing mortgage broker, it became a clear probability that i would be able to buy my ex out of the house with only a six-month salary history. That six-month mark was February. Enduring until springtime became my life goal. 

 

After such a rough couple of years, I was desperate for a glimmer of happiness. The idea that our housing might become secure, and I might reward our determination with a kitten became the final tenuous thread in an unraveling rope preventing my tumble into an abyss. The hope that I might overcome all the obstacles to my happiness motivated me to keep adding to the list of “things to do before we can get a kitten.” I decided to eliminate as many things as possible that were making me miserable. 

My goals were to:

• Buy my house
• Fix a few things in the house that bugged me
• Get my neck fixed
• Go back to court to get my kids on weekends
• Get a job that doesn’t make me want to murder
• Get on better anxiety/depression meds

I have methodically and systematically chipped away at this list, and I am happy to report that, as of April 25, 2023: I own our house and have fixed (or have scheduled to fix) all the things that were bugging me; I had surgery to fix my severely whack cervical spine; I went back to court, and they ruled in my favor; I am in the process of titrating up on new psych meds; I'm taking care of another medical issue that will (hopefully) seriously improve my quality of life (IYKYK); I have had three interviews for a really promising job (fingers crossed!).

AND…drum roll please… my home is now full of foster kittens!

 

Pardon me while I brag, but I am a badass - so fearless and strong! My life has shattered more times than I can even count, and every single time I come up swinging. There were times over the winter that I almost didn’t make it. But I’ve systematically checked everything off my list and have the kittens to prove it. Take that, LIFE!